Why September Was The Worst Month of My Life | Recap

I need to tell myself that a new day should really be a clean slate.

I don’t know about you, but September was kind of the worst month of my life. But I can accept that, I really can. I don’t want to cover it up, I don’t want any of those events not to have happened… but I don’t want to do September again.

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I am very awake and alive to start October really well, and continue to do well with it all the way through. I can officially start creating leaf garlands, do more DIYs, buy candles and get cosy. I’m on a bit of a health journey too. I’m starting to incorporate workouts around my busy schedule and go running. I got on my school’s cross-country team, which is something – and because school hit back hard it’s a nice relax for me.

I have some goals set out for myself. I’m going to put them out on the internet to make them ‘official’. So I look at this post and think, that’s whhat people are expecting – let’s do it.

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I’m Better Now | A Poem To The Media

Oh nostalgia, I remember you, yesterday and last year.

I remember starting my blog and beginning to love myself.

It was all of a bit of a blur really, because some of it has gone.

The laughter the love and the tears,

Suddenly there’s none.

Haha nostalgia I look at you, when I’m flicking through My Story.

I see you looking through the eyes of me… just a tap and I’m pretty.

Those friends I don’t talk to much think that is what I’m like…

But no, I’m much more ugly.

I wish like long ago I pick up my phone to start writing.

To be able to write with freedom, not fear or scare of fighting.

I just wish the Internet was happier, a better place to be.

Because right now when I turn you off there’s a feeling inside of me.

I’m better now. Better if without you *media*.

I Have a Crush On a Girl | Novel Extract

Evangeline May | 14th September 1878 

Oh, Mama, she’s amazing! She has loads of books and doesn’t care a fig about what she wears. There’s these tight cotton ‘trousers’ that she wears with some lovely jumpers, she calls them. Her hair is cut short and looks so out of fashion now, but on her she looks a beauty. It’s all naturally curled and a beautiful brunette.

She has two bags of presents for her birthday! Big, big bags too. She has her own camera! Honestly, you must meet her. And she’s so awfully polite.

‘I feel ashamed of you to take a liking of young girls with figure hugging clothes. I imagine she has hardly a figure. And jumpers? She a girl! And goodness what’s a camera?’

But Mama, I’ve finally met someone popular, well-off, polite and lovely. Aren’t you proud I’ve found such friends? 

‘Not at all. You disgust me – wanting to wear trousers and jumpers. And this camera talk. I hardly believe a thing about her. Your imagination has crept up on you again!’

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I suppose it had, Mama was once right. It was time travel? It seemed a blur to me, but I so loved that girl. I never caught her name, she was some sort of ‘Whovian’. To me that sounded like a different race! But she seems very human… even with a Time Machine? She called it a TARDIS and it was, somehow, smaller on the outside. I found it most peculiar.

The whole travelling bit has slipped from my mind, and if she wanted me to forget. I held onto it though. This girl astonished me. I thought, well, I thought I loved her. It’s so silly! No woman here loves a girl. Pfft, it must be something of the ‘future’, as she called it. She said there was past, present and future – and explained it a s ‘wibbly-wobbly’ or something like that. I had heard of such words but not like that. It seemed awfully babyish to me. 

This girl, woman, really was so beautiful! Yet all she did was wash her face twice a day. I did too, but I looked a right red tomato. I must ask her what soap she uses, if I see her again. I doubt she’d use cheap old carbolic like me.

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Papa said that I should begin writing seriously. But isn’t that what I do? I wish that one day I will publish these memoirs with that ‘Whovian’ lady at my side. She’s such a wonder! Mama says that now I’m 14 I should really ‘grow up’ but I’d rather kick off my stockings and go to the park with boys. Not sweethearts, however, I have never taken a fancy to boy. There’s rather that girl…

No, no, no. If Mama found this she’d be furious. I can’t possibly say I like girls more than boys. I have lots of friends, that are boys, and we sneak off to the park together. Papa says they are ‘urchins’ with ‘no propriety’ but no-one these days has enough money for school. Not even I can go myself. I have to learn ‘to be a lady’ and Mama says about ‘Finishing School’ in the years to come but you learn to curtsey and dance! It’s ever so un-scholarly. I prefer Mathematics and Literature.

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– All photographs in this post taken with my phone –

Come On World, Let’s Be Kind | I Gave You Three Wishes

Let’s jump straight into the deep end…

It’s something very common that we answer in a rushed way. On a bad day, your wishes will be different to your good day. But if we think really hard maybe wishes aren’t the best thing for us. We should probably get on with life and earn what we wish for. Work hard, play hard – as they say.

I am imagining I have earned these three wishes through my good deeds. I would first wish for all minds to be projected in a different light, so we can understand eachother’s arguements but not fight or conduct war over it. We must accept even the most drastic opinion but make sure it is not killed for.

I would wish for all hate in this world to be reduced. The constant disruption and bullying is not good. People need to learn they are doing ‘wrong’. They may think it is not wrong, but if all hate was reduced and they realised they were upsetting somebody maybe we’d get somewhere. But if there was no hate, mental health issues or the like, we wouldn’t know which is a happy point in our lives. And we continue to live through these hard times, remembering what happened but still going on, showing the ‘haters’ that they haven’t damaged your beauty or mainstream life. Because you’ve moved on from that.

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In all cases this can’t happen, some things stick with us and torment us forever. But fear makes you kind, in the long run. It’s not a bad thing to have a bad thing happen to you, most of it’s jealousy or feeling alone. That bully wants to feel on top of you becuase she/he isn’t on top of anything else. That is somehting very humane.

I’d ask for all art to be recognised. The realise that someting is behind everything in our lives, and that people would be grateful down to the last tooth to have fallen out. We all get ungrateful and very grumpy at times, it’s the most human thing we do. But when we are in a happy state, or angry state, try and relive yourself and look at the things around you. Just the thing infront of you, that you are reading this blog post on.

Nature is what brought us here, now, in this moment. Recognise the tree outside your house and ask, why is there and where did it come from? Just from the ordinary things we learn so much.

Gratefulness and honesty is something we all need to come together and provide before the societies forget completeley. Come on world, let’s be kind.