You Broke Me | Blogmas Day Eight

I have not been writing poems recently. To open your laptop with the intention to write is easy – I write whatever even if it’s not very good. But with the intention to write poems it is much harder. I can’t say that October’s poems were any good, I didn’t like many of them myself. It’s really hard to pressurise yourself into that frame of mind – it’s a feeling that does come naturally and will come to me every now and then.

I also like writing songs. The difference is that a poem can be read by almost any voice, but the song cannot. It has a particular rhythm to work. I don’t want to sing for you on my blog! The whole intention of this blog was just to write. Not songs, no related YouTube channel – nothing like that. Just words that can be interpreted by anyone and anything. With songs it has a particular way of being said and interpreted. That’s why when I put lyrics of a song out for you to read it didn’t go down very well. My very ill-wisdomed self thought you could read it in the same way, but I am not a magician with words as others are. Some authors can put a rhythm through their words and anyone can see it. I am not that person. That magician. I aspire to be, but I am not there yet. Time with teach me the great lessons so I can perform well without knowing it… hopefully. *gulps down all the tea that has gotten cold whilst I have been writing*

I want to be able to write a poem soon. I don’t know if the feeling will come to me? But I can see it slowly but surely coming back to life. In my gut I can imagine a big blob of poeticness and it is climbing up through my chest and soon it will come out of my mouth and travel to the hands where I shall type it all out. That big blob is red, and green, and grey. All colours. Not blue. The blue blob seems negative. The blue blob is what is coming out of my mouth right now and I’m going to put it in a bag and chuck that bag as far as I can. Goodbye!

 

I used to think,

I was better alone.

Why did I say I want to be on my own.

Why did you leave, think I was good without you.

Because I’m not, I’m not healing, I’d rather be too.

 

So next time you make a mistake like that,

Don’t be blind and don’t be a rat.

I wish you’d understand,

I want you here not there.

And you know it because you love me and you really do care.

 

It’s hard to speak to you,

Via text and in words.

You don’t understand,

How much it hurts.

Orange Leaf

Look at us lying here,

Thousands of orange hues on the floor.

What more does nature want of us?

Does it somehow want some more?

 

I’m crippled and dry,

Nature wants so painful to be my die.

A hundred wrinkles in my veins.

And get still whipped by the reins.

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I’m dead I really am.

I’m lying here without purpose.

Yet still you expect more of me?

I’m a clown in a circus.

 

I’m the one people are scared of,

The one they want to die.

I don’t contribute to the funness,

Let quickly be my die.

çΓυΠ¢Η

Time It Takes

Why sixty seconds in minute.

Why sixty minutes in an hour.

Why are autumn leaves on the floor,

When we haven’t seen them shower.

 

Isn’t sixty the common number?

In time and space itself?

No it seems to not be.

365 on the year’s shelf.

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Then look at an analouge right now,

See that there’s twelve on every round.

Look at the way the years link in a circle,

But we are yet never bound.

 

A circle is a meaningful thing,

It hopes to bring us together every day.

Yet actually as the seconds churn on,

We start to break away.

Can We All Just Love?

Something was feeling a tiny bit uncomforatble as I sat down to read… then I got back up again – because I had forgotten to write today’s post! This is why this post is a bit about everything and also nothing at all.

‘Art is my life and my life is art’ Yoko Ono

I would like to talk about the woman who truly changed the whole society. If you’ve not heard of Yoko Ono, she is a multi-media artist (when I say multi-media I literally mean art on all things from bins to bodies) who became known worldwide in the 1960’s when she married the Beatles frontman John Lennon.

Born in Tokyo, 1933, she began her artistic pursuits in New York City. She met John in November of 1966 and later married him in 1969. But if she was reading this, I’m sure she wouldn’t want me ranting about her but more the message the Lennon’s shared. Peace.

I went to Liverpool for a second time last Saturday (I have a full post about the amazing day out here). Towards the end of the day I went to look at the ‘John and Yoko’ exhibition. My dad did take a great many photos but I was so absorbed in all that I was looking at. It made me think very deeply about life, about how society has changed and where we would be if the 1960’s never exsisted. But I sort of know that answer, we’d be nowhere.

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Listening to ‘Imagine’ as I write this xo

My greatest respect to all of who knew John Lennon as I speak about his death. If that hadn’t of happened I’m sure the different ways their stories changed the world would have a different effect.

Just looking through Google as I look at his memorable moments and her great message I feel so… equal. These sort of things don’t make me think of people who have done wrong but about how it has influenced right.

‘Hate is always foolish, and love is always wise’ Peter Capaldi

No one can ever be perfect. I just read a book about ‘The Unpredictability of Being Human’ and it just emphasises the imperfectness of all our society and everything that surrounds us. No one can be perfect, some people try but those people often fail.

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I just put on Imagine… let me cry and I hope you can all learn to be at peace with eachother one day xoxo

‘And the world will live as one’ rest in peace John Lennon.

 

Suicide

No Longer With Me

Your ghostly shape no longer haunts me,

In fact I’m starting to see a great reflection,

In that mirror you always (used to) crept up in.

I’m seeing a change.

 

I always hated changes.

But this one is death-defying life changing, 

I know longer feel an urge to,

You know,

Go that way, pick it up and go to hell heaven (now you’re gone!)

 

I’m actually starting to open up, 

Not close down. 

And if you were still here I’m sure you’d be envious.

I’m making my own decisions.

I know it scares you (you’re out of control now).

Well do what you can…

I’m not going back.

 

I do still hear you sometimes.

I hear you whisper in other people’s actions to make them scared of themselves too.

Anxious.

But however many years it takes them they’ll realise that they’re better of without you.

It took me my life,

But look how much I’ve got left!

 

This is not a poem about me personally suffering from/or experiencing suicidal thoughts. This is in aid to raise awareness about young people taking there lives. Last month was suicide prevention month but it’s not as if we can’t keep carrying the message around. If you are in a situation in which this is relating with you, it will benefit you all in all to open up about it and please talk to someone. I am no professional, but if it helps the you can talk to me first.