No Friends, No Friends When I Need Them

It’s so good to be back! After a week of camp (specifically Guide camp) I am more than exhausted. A week where I didn’t write at all, I just filled up the majority of my sketchbook! Haha, I do have a lot to talk about, but the way of saying those things is hard. I can never find the right words when I need them. Today I’m going to talk about friendship – and who I want to be.

I want to be good friend, I want to be able to shut out the people who don’t care about me anymore. And I want to loosen up, be perfectly not OCD. 

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Sketch By “Kitty Jade”

According to my two closest friends, I am ‘too’ kind. I accept cows and chickens in my life because I am kind, but this is wrong. If I’m nice to everyone I’m torturing myself, not allowing myself pure and comfortable friendships.

This is why it’s hard, for me, to let go. I can’t let go of these people I used to love. Used to love. They broke the friendship, about a million times, before there isn’t even a chance left. I yesterday watched Jessie Paege’s ‘How To Survive Back To School With No Friends” video, and she talked about encouraging yourself to open up, when I need to encourage myself to close down.

I am silently bullied, by this torture. Every kind hand I give out, I get nothing back. I don’t expect to get something back from being kind, but I expect happiness. That’s not what happens.

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Sketch By “Kitty Jade”

I have one brilliant, amazing, Whovian bestie. I barely see her, which hurts – but at least she left the school before more pressure could be conducted. She’s safe. I’m broken.

Please tell me if you have any ideas, tricks or tips to help me let go. I would gladly appreciate it.

All the love and support, 

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Sadness Is A Fairytale | Poem

Once upon a time,

In a faraway land,

Her face had no kind,

His hate had no hand.

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Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

To build up the tension,

In the mountain nearly climed,

Her smile had detention,

His sad had been mimed.

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Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

The dilemmna to be commenced,

In the centre of make,

Her legs were offenced,

His mind was a bake.

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Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

The conclusion was that,

In the large of a palace,

Her arms were a bat,

His kind was of malace.

And they all lived happily ever after,

Isn’t that how it is meant to end?

The Universe Is A Lie | Poem and Reasoning

Dear Creator Being,

How big or how small.

I sometimes wonder if you happened at all.

But that’s beside the point, because really:

Are you brave and strong or fearful and weary?

Dear Creator Being,

How nice or how mean,

I sometimes wonder if you’ve never seen.

But that’s important, because really,

Are you dead from something that is very bleary?

Dear Creator Being,

How weird or how withered,

I sometimes wonder if you have delivered.

But that’s questionable, because really,

Are you scared of the thing that is nearly…

Here, Creator Being?

Are you scared of the end?

Scared of life turning around the bend?

Here Creator Being, where things stand high,

I think that the universe was always a lie.

Dear Creator Being,

At the end of it all,

Are we just an experiment,

And you get payed for the fall?

Kitty Jade @ 2018. All Rights Reserved.

You Hate Me? | Poem

Hello Internet!

Sorry for the lateness in post, usually there’d be one up by now. Recently I have just been more human, talking less interest in blogging and more in art and my progression of things (school and all). Not much of an excuse, I know, but at least there’s a post today.

Yet again, out of bad luck.

No more pennies to spend,

No more lies to bend,

You’re villain, from a book.

Yet again, out of good weight.

No more pounds to put on,

No more ‘looking like a moron’,

You’re fat, and you hate.

Yet again, out of big smiles,

No more happiness to bring,

No more value to spring,

You’re evil, and you’re vile.

Yet again, out of the street,

No more insurance to pay,

No more cans to spray,

You’re storming, and you bleat.

So what I’m trying to say,

Is that you’re wrong in the moment.

That you will make a change,

But you’re anger is opponent.

This poem was not directed for any of you! You are all so amazing and supportive. Even when I’m coming and going all the time!

Have a wonderful week, all of you.

The Most Wonderful Day | Plus Mini Haul | Diary

Saturday 30th June 2018

The Most Wonderful Day

Today has been the most wonderfully beautiful day – and it’s still not over.

I had a very productive morning (I say morning, I mean 8:00am to about 2:00pm). I posted a very long post, and it was relieving to see it done, had plenty of Cello practise and basically wrote and wrote and wrote. Amazing, relaxing, wonderful.

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The afternoon has been a pleasure so far. I went into town with my dad and brother (who’s blog looms in this corner of the internet) and it was really relaxing. We ran errands and did some shopping – a haul in which I will show today – went a lovely little cafe and honestly, had the best tea. I’ve never been one for iced tea but this soda was gorgeous. I have it twice before and every time I go to that little cafe I never look for anything else!

We sat and chatted yet I sadly didn’t take pictures (stupid me, at least the memory is my mind) for about half-an-hour. Whilst I was chilling, I read some of your blog posts which were of course as amazing as ever. I read through some of my cringey old ones too! (don’t search for them)

We then went to do the weekly grocery shop and wrapped it all up nicely. From upstairs I can smell the fresh food and the cooking that is being prepared! I am so grateful for this day, most honestly!

I think I am now going to plan tomorrow and do a bit of tidying around. 

Today has been the best day ever.

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Here’s for the haul. 

I now lay what I have bought today in front of me and begin to feel warmed. I have bought a book, Rainbow Drops (they’re not in front of me because I’ve eaten them already), crystallised ginger, a card for my friends soon birthday and some ingredients for a DIY baking post that I will be putting together tomorrow! 

The book grabbed my attention – not only Shakespeare in Baker’s trademark long scarf but the ‘humour’ written precisely on the back. We love a sarcastic novel! I am currently doing a Shakespeare project for school, and combining it with my most dear fandom is literally the best. I may do a book review but you’ll definitely see it in the future, whatever! I bought this from the local bookshop for £9:99 and I don’t think that’s a rip-off! 

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Secondly, the foodie side of things. I have been craving Rainbow Drops for so many weeks and my friends probably think I’m mad when I’m muttering under my breath ‘I really want some Rainbow Drops right now’! I ate them (but also shared them) whilst walking around the outdoor market. I got images from Google so I hope these will do! 

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Crystalised ginger is one of those things that just relates with all seasons. In the extremely warm weather it has been a desire for me to just pick out a tangy ginger cube and pop it my mouth. And these two things are treats and maybe you already know by now that I’m a health freak XD so please don’t judge.

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If you are new here then maybe it isn’t the best first impression! Little rambles like these pop up occasionally and if you would like to see when, then make sure to follow so you never miss a thing!

Stay beautiful my readers and I hope you had an equally enjoyable Saturday!

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