I have not been writing poems recently. To open your laptop with the intention to write is easy – I write whatever even if it’s not very good. But with the intention to write poems it is much harder. I can’t say that October’s poems were any good, I didn’t like many of them myself. It’s really hard to pressurise yourself into that frame of mind – it’s a feeling that does come naturally and will come to me every now and then.
I also like writing songs. The difference is that a poem can be read by almost any voice, but the song cannot. It has a particular rhythm to work. I don’t want to sing for you on my blog! The whole intention of this blog was just to write. Not songs, no related YouTube channel – nothing like that. Just words that can be interpreted by anyone and anything. With songs it has a particular way of being said and interpreted. That’s why when I put lyrics of a song out for you to read it didn’t go down very well. My very ill-wisdomed self thought you could read it in the same way, but I am not a magician with words as others are. Some authors can put a rhythm through their words and anyone can see it. I am not that person. That magician. I aspire to be, but I am not there yet. Time with teach me the great lessons so I can perform well without knowing it… hopefully. *gulps down all the tea that has gotten cold whilst I have been writing*
I want to be able to write a poem soon. I don’t know if the feeling will come to me? But I can see it slowly but surely coming back to life. In my gut I can imagine a big blob of poeticness and it is climbing up through my chest and soon it will come out of my mouth and travel to the hands where I shall type it all out. That big blob is red, and green, and grey. All colours. Not blue. The blue blob seems negative. The blue blob is what is coming out of my mouth right now and I’m going to put it in a bag and chuck that bag as far as I can. Goodbye!
I used to think,
I was better alone.
Why did I say I want to be on my own.
Why did you leave, think I was good without you.
Because I’m not, I’m not healing, I’d rather be too.
So next time you make a mistake like that,
Don’t be blind and don’t be a rat.
I wish you’d understand,
I want you here not there.
And you know it because you love me and you really do care.
It’s hard to speak to you,
Via text and in words.
You don’t understand,
How much it hurts.