I’m Better Now | A Poem To The Media

Oh nostalgia, I remember you, yesterday and last year.

I remember starting my blog and beginning to love myself.

It was all of a bit of a blur really, because some of it has gone.

The laughter the love and the tears,

Suddenly there’s none.

Haha nostalgia I look at you, when I’m flicking through My Story.

I see you looking through the eyes of me… just a tap and I’m pretty.

Those friends I don’t talk to much think that is what I’m like…

But no, I’m much more ugly.

I wish like long ago I pick up my phone to start writing.

To be able to write with freedom, not fear or scare of fighting.

I just wish the Internet was happier, a better place to be.

Because right now when I turn you off there’s a feeling inside of me.

I’m better now. Better if without you *media*.

I Have a Crush On a Girl | Novel Extract

Evangeline May | 14th September 1878 

Oh, Mama, she’s amazing! She has loads of books and doesn’t care a fig about what she wears. There’s these tight cotton ‘trousers’ that she wears with some lovely jumpers, she calls them. Her hair is cut short and looks so out of fashion now, but on her she looks a beauty. It’s all naturally curled and a beautiful brunette.

She has two bags of presents for her birthday! Big, big bags too. She has her own camera! Honestly, you must meet her. And she’s so awfully polite.

‘I feel ashamed of you to take a liking of young girls with figure hugging clothes. I imagine she has hardly a figure. And jumpers? She a girl! And goodness what’s a camera?’

But Mama, I’ve finally met someone popular, well-off, polite and lovely. Aren’t you proud I’ve found such friends? 

‘Not at all. You disgust me – wanting to wear trousers and jumpers. And this camera talk. I hardly believe a thing about her. Your imagination has crept up on you again!’

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I suppose it had, Mama was once right. It was time travel? It seemed a blur to me, but I so loved that girl. I never caught her name, she was some sort of ‘Whovian’. To me that sounded like a different race! But she seems very human… even with a Time Machine? She called it a TARDIS and it was, somehow, smaller on the outside. I found it most peculiar.

The whole travelling bit has slipped from my mind, and if she wanted me to forget. I held onto it though. This girl astonished me. I thought, well, I thought I loved her. It’s so silly! No woman here loves a girl. Pfft, it must be something of the ‘future’, as she called it. She said there was past, present and future – and explained it a s ‘wibbly-wobbly’ or something like that. I had heard of such words but not like that. It seemed awfully babyish to me. 

This girl, woman, really was so beautiful! Yet all she did was wash her face twice a day. I did too, but I looked a right red tomato. I must ask her what soap she uses, if I see her again. I doubt she’d use cheap old carbolic like me.

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Papa said that I should begin writing seriously. But isn’t that what I do? I wish that one day I will publish these memoirs with that ‘Whovian’ lady at my side. She’s such a wonder! Mama says that now I’m 14 I should really ‘grow up’ but I’d rather kick off my stockings and go to the park with boys. Not sweethearts, however, I have never taken a fancy to boy. There’s rather that girl…

No, no, no. If Mama found this she’d be furious. I can’t possibly say I like girls more than boys. I have lots of friends, that are boys, and we sneak off to the park together. Papa says they are ‘urchins’ with ‘no propriety’ but no-one these days has enough money for school. Not even I can go myself. I have to learn ‘to be a lady’ and Mama says about ‘Finishing School’ in the years to come but you learn to curtsey and dance! It’s ever so un-scholarly. I prefer Mathematics and Literature.

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– All photographs in this post taken with my phone –

Come On World, Let’s Be Kind | I Gave You Three Wishes

Let’s jump straight into the deep end…

It’s something very common that we answer in a rushed way. On a bad day, your wishes will be different to your good day. But if we think really hard maybe wishes aren’t the best thing for us. We should probably get on with life and earn what we wish for. Work hard, play hard – as they say.

I am imagining I have earned these three wishes through my good deeds. I would first wish for all minds to be projected in a different light, so we can understand eachother’s arguements but not fight or conduct war over it. We must accept even the most drastic opinion but make sure it is not killed for.

I would wish for all hate in this world to be reduced. The constant disruption and bullying is not good. People need to learn they are doing ‘wrong’. They may think it is not wrong, but if all hate was reduced and they realised they were upsetting somebody maybe we’d get somewhere. But if there was no hate, mental health issues or the like, we wouldn’t know which is a happy point in our lives. And we continue to live through these hard times, remembering what happened but still going on, showing the ‘haters’ that they haven’t damaged your beauty or mainstream life. Because you’ve moved on from that.

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In all cases this can’t happen, some things stick with us and torment us forever. But fear makes you kind, in the long run. It’s not a bad thing to have a bad thing happen to you, most of it’s jealousy or feeling alone. That bully wants to feel on top of you becuase she/he isn’t on top of anything else. That is somehting very humane.

I’d ask for all art to be recognised. The realise that someting is behind everything in our lives, and that people would be grateful down to the last tooth to have fallen out. We all get ungrateful and very grumpy at times, it’s the most human thing we do. But when we are in a happy state, or angry state, try and relive yourself and look at the things around you. Just the thing infront of you, that you are reading this blog post on.

Nature is what brought us here, now, in this moment. Recognise the tree outside your house and ask, why is there and where did it come from? Just from the ordinary things we learn so much.

Gratefulness and honesty is something we all need to come together and provide before the societies forget completeley. Come on world, let’s be kind.

The Cello Tag | The Cure To My Writer’s Block

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Celllo? Oh dear.

I was nominated ages ago to do this tag – thank you so much Kaylyn for the kind nomination! You must check out her blog. She has certainly moved around, but where she is right now is a beautiful place to be. 

Oh, isn’t it just typical. To not have the time to write when I’m motivated. No instead, I have time when I really don’t have motivation. It’s drives me wild: being in bed having thoughts that are life-changing, blog-changing, world-changing. 

I literally just sang that paragraph back to myself… we all have our quirks!

I was nominated ages ago to do this tag – thank you so much Kaylyn for the kind nomination! You must check out her blog. She has certainly moved around, but where she is right now is a beautiful place to be. 

The rules:

  • You must list these rules in your post
  • You must thank the person who nominated you and give a link to their blog (linked above)
  • Put the link to the original post in your post: it’s right here!
  • You must put The Cello Tag’s button on your post (I had trouble with this, but I hope it’s okay.)
  • Come up with five cello/orchestra/violin (orchestral family) facts and put them in your post (keep reading and you’ll find it!).
  • You may only reuse one fact from the previous post that nominated you.
  • Nominate 3-5 people (naughty me, I nominated all of you!)
  • Notify your nominees and send them a link to your tag post. Well HELLO!

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The facts: (I’ll be ranting a bit here)

  • All of the family I live with play a string instrument, that’s my mum, dad and brother. And they all play guitar!
  • I’ve been in a ditch this month and I really am trying my hardest to get out of it. School hit hard and with it my over-thinking (where are you going with this Erin) so my Cello has slid out of hand, quite literally, I haven’t been picking it up recently. But after my second lesson of the new academic year I think something may be hitting again, a little spark of motivation.
  • I forgot to say at the start, I play Cello!
  • I have been playing the Cello for just over half a year and only broken a single string! (If you are interested it was my D string.).
  • I joined a String Group today! Whoop!

Thanks for reading, I have found that little spark and I hope you are full of flames! I nominate any readers reading! If you are maybe on a writer’s block or feel really groggy, a tag is a good way to keep posting!

Oh, and don’t worry if you don’t play any of these instruments, Google can do the work for you!

I really appreciate all your likes and comments, thank you for those.

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My Dearest Media | Truth Or Consequences

‘No-one goes on Instagram to post themselves throwing up. Neither do we tweet about when we are having a bad day.’

Okay, that was the past. Now you see this over-saturated media with people filming their day. But the reality is, they cut it down to 15-20 minutes. A day is 24 hours long. I’d worry if it was shorter! 😂

People complain, or tell people about when they’re having a bad day. They hope to ‘relate’ with the audience. But who puts on make-up when they’re sick? Who has the energy to go on such a stressful program to share this stuff? Umm, well. We don’t. But those people aren’t human’s. They’re things in our screens. Unless you’re very lucky/unlucky you don’t know, personally, the main icons/personalities.

You hope what they say is true, you hope that they are reassuring you. But they don’t know a teenager with say, brown hair, green eyes and a yellow t-shirt is watching them. They just know the stats. People fake things online.

After what I said, you have no reason to trust me, as I have no reason to trust you. But we communicate like humans, some of us very talented humans, and we ‘chat’ like you would in real life. But everyone knows what life’s like. So they can fake it.

It’s not a very reassuring post, but after seeing all this fake stuff boil online I decided to take a break, try and gain some trust and begin again. Begin with a clean slate. I want to tell the media that they cause controversy, affecting most peoples lives. Negative or positive?

I woke up this morning thinking about this blog. I’m not leaving. I’m ‘break’ing. So, I have to keep writing for you to keep this hobby going. It’s a part of me now. I can’t stop without breaking altogether.

So, media, you’ve came a part of my life. I still can’t choose if you are good or bad hill to climb. I have lost my grip, but I didn’t fall too far. I’m climbing you again. The mist still covering above and below.