I Wish I Could Be an Optimist Again.

I’m stuck in my thoughts and there’s no fire exit, no hero coming to save me. I’ve only got myself.

I hate being in this mindset.

I wish I could be an optimist again.

_______________________________________________________________________________________

Yesterday morning I woke feeling very, well, sad (I guess). I hopped in the shower, still not really awake, not knowing what was wrong with me. Then I started thinking so hard that my salty tears scented the heat of the shower rushing down over me. I honestly didn’t know what was wrong. I didn’t feel anxious – I just felt sad and slightly scared. Of what? I keep going back to that moment when all I could smell were my tears, and I still don’t know.

I began to come over this awkward feeling I had. My morning, for the most part, led out to it’s average state. Except:

My thoughts got a-hold of me as I was walking to the bus stop. The cool breeze snapped me back into that moment – in the shower. But this time I felt really pure. I felt a feeling that I haven’t felt in so long. It felt so beautiful…

Happiness.

Guess what happened after that? My incredible mind got me thinking too hard – again. I came into a sudden ‘trance’. I thought that this glorious happiness I was feeling was because something bad was going to happen. My mind thinks way beyond, when will come the time when there’s no capacity for anymore knowledge? Or, we could say, overly-thinking thoughts.

It felt like the most genuine smile I’d had in a long time.

Yet I was only yesterday.

7 thoughts on “I Wish I Could Be an Optimist Again.

  1. Of all your posts, I relate with this one the most. I’m not sad or depressed, yet I’m not really happy either. Some days I wake up with tears in my eyes, though I have no idea why. There is no such thing as an easy night for me. I lie in bed and I remember my tears, which of course brings more. Lately I’ve realized that’s it’s ok to cry occasionally. After all, how else would we be reminded that we are only human?

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you for the beautiful response of reassurance! It’s really nice to be able to talk like this. A good old cry could make you feel better and worse, it’s a bit like chocolate. You may be treating yourself, but afterwards you just feel fat and anxious about how you look. The truth is, the same as before! But we are only human, so who the hell can figure that out?
      Our only problem is why.
      Why, why why.

      Ooh, and I need to get back to you on the collaboration sooner or later!
      Sorry Snips xx

      Like

  2. the mind is so weird
    and sometimes remembering can be the worst thing ever instead of the most beautiful thing ever
    I relate jade
    what helps me often, is time alone… time to be selfish really and in your mind to yourself cut yourself apart from other people in your life… think about you and your meaning in life..
    then just shake it off
    and some reason I feel better lmao
    sareena x
    http://www.theallofitblog.wordpress.com

    Liked by 1 person

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